Alok Vaid-Menon is a gender non-conforming writer, poet, and public speaker. On this page, I will share a selection of quotes from their book Beyond the Gender Binary as well as from their Instagram profile @alokvmenon.

These quotes not only address common prejudices faced by the trans community, but also delve into the human experience, offering insights through the lenses of kindness and compassion. No matter who you are or what you believe, I’m confident that their words will inspire you immensely and bring positive change to your life.

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From the book Beyond the Gender Binary

Introduction:

“This false choice of boy or girl, man or woman, male or female is not natural – it is political. ... Gender diversity is an integral part of our existence. It always has been, and it always will be. ... The issue is not that we are failing to be men or women. It’s that the criteria used to evaluate us to begin with is the problem.”

“While the actual words [gender non-binary] might be new, living beyond the gender binary is not. Indigenous people and people outside the Western world have long existed outside of the gender binary: two-spirit among American Indians, hijra in South Asia, waria in Indonesia, muxe in Mexico, just to name a few.”

Gender is enforced by shame:

“They tell us to ‘be ourselves’, but if you listen closely, there’s more to that sentence: ‘...until you make them uncomfortable.’ ...

I learned about gender through shame. ...

The idea here was that if you were a boy who displayed even a hint of femininity, then you were gay. And if you were gay, then you were wrong. And if you were wrong, that meant they had license to beat you up in the name of morality.”

Why and how the system upholds the gender binary:

“Society’s inability to place us in boxes makes them uncomfortable; the unfamiliar becomes a threat and not an opportunity. The unknown calls into question everything that we thought we knew about ourselves and the world. And this... this is a good thing! Being self-reflective and open to transformation is something we should celebrate, not fear.”

“At its heart, discrimination against gender non-conforming people happens because of a system that rewards conformity and not creativity.”

“People judge gender non-conformity because they are insecure about their identities. If they weren’t, then gender variance wouldn’t be so heavily policed.”

“The best way to eliminate a group is to demonize them, such that their disappearance is seen as an act of justice, not discrimination.”

A beam of hope:

“There’s magic in being seen by people who understand – it gives you permission to keep going. Self-expression sometimes requires other people. Becoming ourselves is a collective journey.”

“Conditional acceptance is not freedom – we shouldn’t have to erase our differences in order to be respected.”

“Reclaiming my body, my identity, and my worth back from other people’s shame has showed me that transformation is possible, no matter how impossible it may seem.”

“What we look like isn’t gross; what is truly disgusting is how we shame one another for our physical appearances.”

Addressing arguments against gender non-conforming people (I’ve left out most chapters, only quoting those I found interesting):

“Power can be defined as the ability to make a particular perspective seem universal. Control is how power maintains itself; anyone who expresses another perspective is punished. Arguments against gender non-conforming people are about maintaining power and control.”

Addressing the argument, 'You are not normal':

“It’s important to understand the difference between being ‘normal’ and being ‘normative’. Being normal means that a numerically significant amount of something is found in a group. Being normative is about what gets elevated by society to a position of power. Normativity, then, is about value judgment and shouldn’t be used interchangeably with normal.”

Addressing the argument, 'You can’t dispute the reality of science':

“Science and biology are still products of human culture and do not exist outside of it.”

“Over 2,500 distinguished scientists released a statement noting that the idea of the gender binary has no biological basis. Everyday people without adequate training pretend to be scientific experts. This doesn’t reveal much about gender, but it does demonstrate the lengths that people go to in order to distort reality to serve their purposes.”

“The fact that doctors still perform non-consensual and non-medically necessary surgeries on intersex people just because they are different shows how binary sex – like binary gender – is a political construction. These people are not accidents or malfunctions; this is how human diversity works.”

“They used to define sex as what was reflected on an individual’s birth certificate. Once that was changeable, they made the definition our genitalia. Once we could change those, the definition switched to chromosomes. Now that there is increasing evidence that chromosomes do not always necessarily align with sex, they are suggesting genetic testing. This is not about science – this is about targeted prejudice.”

Addressing the slippery slope argument - 'If we allow people to self-determine their genders, anyone could claim to be a man or a woman.':

“Behind this fear is an assumption that 'man' and 'woman' will stop having meaning. But the fact of the matter is that there are many experiences of manhood and womanhood. There is as much (if not more) difference within the category of woman than there is between men and women.”

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From their Instagram page

“People call me naive and idealistic and I say ‘Thank you. Who broke your heart?’ Everyone was wonderful once upon a time, and then got told to be reasonable and I find that profoundly unreasonable. I would often be told that I looked ridiculous. I would try to correct for that like it was a stain that I could somehow remove: ‘No, I’m legitimate. No, I’m reasonable.’ But then eventually you began to wonder why you have to be legitimate in order to be worthy? ”

“Just as a thought exercise, I entertain how I have so much in common with someone rather than focusing on what we have different. And the thing that is most common for us as humans is that we’re all gonna die. That actually is the barometer of our humanity – it's that we’re mortal. And when I remember that, I can have compassion for everyone’s decisions. Death is really terrifying, so people invest in fantasies like the gender binary, because it allows them to feel sense of security with impending death.”

“Heaven is a practice, not a promise. Why wait? Build it here, now.”

Since their words are more like poetry or performance, I recommend checking out their Instagram page directly.♥